THE POWER OF HABIT

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The strength to change one’s life in so dramatic a way is a tale of heroism that is not fully comprehended by many in the religious world. It would seem enough that the baal teshuva has acquired a great and eternal gift by making this change. Most newly religious people are indeed quick to realize that all the vacations and expensive restaurants and Saturdays at the beach are brightly packaged forms of emptiness.

But it’s not so simple. Human nature fights change at every turn, even when it’s obvious to the person that the change will make a vast improvement in his life. Consider the difficulty a person has in changing one single middah – a process which the baalei mussar say can take an entire life-time. Even if a person knows that, for instance, the trait of anger is wrecking his life, how difficult is it for him to overcome the thoughts, emotions and beliefs that snap together almost instantaneously to make him lose his temper?

In a business magazine recently, an article appeared entitled “Change or Die.” It was aimed at executives who were frustrated in their efforts to make changes in the corporate culture of their companies. The author drew from a medical study to show that even if a person has a choice of changing or dying early, he still resists change. The study followed open-heart surgery patients who were put on heart-healthy regimens following their procedures. For about two months, they dieted, lost weight, exercised regularly and followed doctor’s orders. At that point, compliance began to drop off, and by year’s end, 90 percent of the subjects had reverted to their old habits and were headed for another round on the operating table.

In light of this, the act of turning one’s entire life upside down to become a religious Jew is startling. Baalei teshuva themselves realize that it is only Hashem’s direct guidance that can make it happen. Each has a story to tell, and it is always one of hashgacha pratis – the chance meetings, the inspiring moments, the incredible “coincidences” that paved the path, stone by stone, back to Torah.

But old habits and outlooks do not die easily. Life-long readjustments are needed as the baal teshuva travels through new stages in life. It’s one thing to be a high school student, another thing to be seeking a spouse, another to bring children into the world, and another still to find schools for them and provide them with an upbringing the parent himself never had. A move from one community to another can also destabilize a situation as the baal teshuva, who has perhaps already been religious for many years, discovers that what was acceptable in one community is unheard of in another community.

Who is there to provide support for the baal teshuva when these challenges arise? Their neighbors and fellow community members cannot understand why they should have any special needs. He wears his black hat proudly and learns with a chavrusa every night. She dresses to the letter and the spirit of the laws of modesty, and serves a table full of guests every Shabbos. They are striving, spiritual people who attend shiurim and exude a refreshing aura of idealism. Who understands that they have needs that are unique to their situations?

Oorah does whatever can be done to ensure that the child emerge from his childhood years as a committed, Torah-observant Jew.

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